new year..

As i m about to step into a new year ahead of me... i feel tired.. LOL... not the expression you would expect of me ya?? nwas starting from the 22nd.. had a fun yet head spinning time of running around (its either church, dinner party, or visiting friends.. like in nagaland during christmas we visit frens and give them cakes, pork or some gifts.. ).. and tonight also there is some dinner party that our family is compelled to attend.. i say compelled cos although i want to go and just have fun.. i would be busy getting jealous of their enormous house (kidding... ) muhahaha....

nwas i dont feel any extraordinary excitement.. no new wishes (just the old ones...) no new achievements i want to fulfil.. nothing.. it just another day.... another year older... another dreadful day on earth.. and another responsibility for me to make this dreadful day "EXCITING"!!

I want to host another party but just scared that most of my frens will bail out on me last minute.. now u know y i m so pissed LOL... i had this party at our house on 26th.. and most of my frens came ONE hour late... and 10 of my frens NEVER showed up.. gave excuses that they were busy of something.. some said.. "i really dont want to miss it but i have to help my fren as she is getting married" crap!!! nwas had fun even without them!! ok.. got to go now...

Prayer meetings....

Our family has this tradition of having a prayer meetng every night before retiring.... so these days have been learning alot.. and also God has been revealing insights to me.. its amazing how he can make me give inspiring words to my family!!!

One of the prayer meeting, dad was talking about how we are princes and princesses of God so we should claim his riches and stuffs... so at that moment i started to weep.. ok there were other things that let to me crying during our prayer meeting (which i will share later..) nwas something just bang me in the head.. like how sometimes God likes to train us cos he wants to use us for a greater purpose.. he sometimes holds back on answering our prayers because he wants to give us somethings nicer and better than we even asked for... and sometimes its because he wants to tame our heart.. and on this i gave a long list of how i was before.. (the stubborn, arrogant, impatient gal.. etc) and then a list of incidents that changed me.. and i shared how sometimes God uses things that shame us so as to mould us into a better person.. etc... and also the thought that we should accept ourself for who we are just ran through my mind.. indeed God reveals things in a funny way!!

LOVE:---- these days have been learning alot about love too... more on how i should love myself too.. cos ok.. like one morning daddy came to my room and told me.. Avoni, u should also buy dresses for urself instead of sacrificing for us.. he meant that sometimes i should also think for myself and not only sacrifice what i want for them...
At that i was like.. Duh!!! i already have ALot of clothes.. I don need to buy more.. i m sacrificing for them (mum, dad, khris, albert and moses.. ) cos i love them.. and i wana shower them with all i can,, and for me that means buying them things (thats my love language)...

Then this thing continued even in the prayer meeting.. everybody was sitted.. then i came down with my track pants and sweat jacket.. as soon as i reached the room.. dad was like.. wow, avoni u look nice!!... buy more clothes for urself ok?
the turing to cristina he said, " you see she always sacrifices her money for us and ho9lds back for buying good clothes for herslf... and blah blah blah,,,
to that i wanted to cry and i jus answered.. daddy thats because i love u... i wana express my love!!!

Nwas haha... this also gives me the freedom to buy more clothes aye?? yo yo.. hahaha.... (actually he is crazy.. i don need any prompting to buy clothes.. its instrinsic..)LOL

Well.. at one of the prayer meetings again.. i felt goo.. lke i had this happy feeling of being loved...
dad was explaining to cristina.. how they spoilt me and pampered me as a child..
Dad: u see.. she was the first child.. so we did alot of things for her.. and even food.. she ate 6 eggs every day as a baby.. (then he continued with his long list of wat i ate..).. we pampered her alot...

MUm: especially daddy..
Khirstin: that y she ia a spoilt child..
(btw Khristin is my sister.. Cristina is a guest.. bro's fren from italy)

dad; But she is a very obedient child..

They continued with all their stupid comments..

But amidst all these discussions.. i got this warm feeling of being loved and accepted for who i was... amen!!

grooming to be a mum...

Went down to market to get some stuffs for my room/house today... suddenly i felt like a mother.,,, lol... like other times my shoppin would be like buying clothes or shoes.. but today.. hahaha.. let me show u my list; medium size basket for my undies, small dustbin to be put near the dressing table, chopping board (a surprise for mummy.... make her happy,... lol), laundry basket for my room, skin cream for my brother (another surprise.. cos he doesn't know what cream to use n he was asking me yday.. cute ryt??)....
Now i know what it is like to be a mother... OTHERS comes first and then YOU... I m learning, hope that my dream of being the perfect mum comes true... (not now though)
Nwas another lesson i learnt today was... NEVER built a huge house... this morning i thought i will make my parents happy so i decided to sweep the whole house, instead of asking Rita to do it.. and it took me more than one hour to sweep the whole house... i never knew i would get myself into this much trouble for all the sweet things i wanted to do for them. lol...
Well......
frens comin over later.. so i thought i will make something nice for them (maybe a desert or.. i don know... later later.. )
oh.. tomor m goin up to kohima for another wedding... 2 hours drive from home, n that place is damn cold.. brr... ok byes for now!!!

Pre-xmas concert!!!

Y'day would probably be one of the many busiest and craziest day of my life!!!
Crazy?? why?? cos my spre throat has not vanish... i took a pic of my throat and right at the end of my tongue.. right before it goes down to the throat.. i saw like many sores.. like pimples but redder!!! so scary!!!... and i was jus too tensed!!! cos both of songs... "love changes everything" and "think of me" were super high!!! but i wud not give in.. and let satan defeat me.. so i decided not to cancel my performance but to jus fo ahead and sing.. no-matter-what!!!
well.. abother element aiding to the craziness was that i had to play in a wedding that morning.. around 10am.. and the wedding dragged until 1 pm.. and the concert was at 3pm.. so right after i readhed home.. my sister welcomed me with a hurried tone.. "avoni.. fast.. dress fast.... get ready!!"... well managed to dress quickly and vocalise and run thru the song a couple of times...

AT the concert;-- unlike choir performace.. wer reaching the high notes with sore throat was slightly easier (cos anyway they wunt know who cracked..haha) .. this time i was all alone.. if i cracked my voice i was doomed!! nwas this is all God's grace!! i was able to sing properly.. wow!!! the first song,, i sort of forgot my lyrics.. haha... n my pianist (my wonderful brother Albert) had a hard time flipping his pages cos he did not know where i was singing.. hahah.. but we did not stop so it was sort of not noticable!!
Then the second song was the highlight of my performance.. maybe cos the song is close to my heart.. (think of me) i loved it!!! cos ok.. let me explain this song.. first its cristine singing.. then raoul comes in with two lines... so at first i thought i will skip the guy part,, but my other brother (benry) aggried to sing these two lines.. so the fantastic part was like... at first i was singing solo... ten he stayed backstage... ten.. when it was his turn.. he started to sing from back-stage and came in.. it was such a cool thing.. cos at first u only hear his voice.. ten.. aya.. i cant explain the experience properly..

hhahaha.. oh another highlight ofthe day.. cristina (my brother's fren who is spending cmas with us?? rem??) came up to my room and..
Cristina: avoni.. come i'l show u something..
Avoni: yes.. what is it..
Cristina: come down.. take ur time..
Avoni: ok..

at the stairs she asked me to close my eyes... ten she took me inside the guest room... ten asked me to sit down..

Cristina: ok.. now open ur eyes...
Avoni: ok...
(she guestures wit her eyes to look down..ten i saw a gift wrapped... well.. cutely wrapped.. not neatly,, hahha..
Open it and saw a beautiful blouse,,,,
Avoni: wow.. socute.. it;s so nice...
Cristina: well i did not know what to get you. so i kept asking albert and moses... how u were and what kinda clothes u wear.. haha...
Avoni: it is very pretty...
Cristina: (shows me the tag,,,) see see.. here its written.. made in india with love.. its made with love... hahah...

ok thats about it..
and this morning.. had another wedding to play for.. so finis playing.. ten m skippin one weddin.. ten later i have a rehearsal for another wedding (tomor).. tired.... okmuacks!!

home...

Sorry for the delay in bloggin.. been busy..plus daddy did not manage to get those people to give us internet connection at home cos our house is very far from town... the disadvantage of livin where i m livin.. nwas the advantages outweighs the disadvantage... Well here is a breif outline of what i have been doing...

2 dec: (3:30pm ) reached dimapur.. Right after reaching home.. daddy wanted me to play the piano for him, as he had to sing in the Chapel.. Mummy and the others suggested to letmy sister or cousin play for him (as i jus reached n was very tred accordin to her) But my dad insisted that i play for him... he wd not have anyone play for him.. so i rehearsed wit him once and rushed off to shower..
At the chapel, I was completely stoning... hahah...

Well, i slept very late.. cos i could not stop talking.. my mum and dad and sis and cousin,, were all amazed at how much i could talk.. the thought i would be tired after all the travelling.. Infact i kept them awake until 1am(singapore time 330am) cos i wanted to talk....

3 dec... Went to see a doctor... for my sore throat...
then visited one of my best friend... she is 21.. and i cant believe that she'sd gona marry next year around december... man!! i m sooo scared and i started panicking right after she told me that she's ready to get married next year!!! nwas she said she will marry durin my holidays.. cos she would not want to do it withuot me!! so sweet...... well the saddest thing would be.. my children and herchldren will not be best frens.. cos i wunt marry anytime soon so definitely my kids would be smaller than hers.. sad!!!
She cooked a naga dish for me...
She showed me her adopted sister (cos theirparents adopted a child.. long story..)
CAme home and startedatlking again....

4th dec... went to attend a wedding. it was extremely grand... cant imagine why they would spend so much for a wedding.. it was just too extravagent....

5th dec... mummy wanted me to study.. as i hadexam on the6th dec.. well i was sleeping mostof the time...
frens called and visited.. they said i have changed.. in their word i have become more boring and quieter.. nonsense!!!

6th dec.. got ready to give exam.. i really dreaded... cos this course is not what i want to do. but i m just studyin cos my parents want me to do it.. and well they would never let me do something that is not good for me ryt?? so an hour before the exam. i realsed that i left my idendity card for this coursein singapore.. haha.. so i cant give the exam. hahhaa.. i was damn happy!!
but my mm and dad wo\unt giveup... they took me to the examination centre anyway...
and dad talked to the people there.. they decided to let me give the exam... they looked for my name and stufs.. and guess what?? they realised that i have not been registered for the exam... apparently the form that my parent filled u.. the registration form for the exam.. did not reached them.... hahahah.. so i wunt be able to give the exam this time.. only next year in june.. hahah.. no one was happier than me..

at night.. we went to the train station to recieved my brothers.. (albert and benry) cos they were arriving tonight from delhi.. i was sooo excited cos this means that opur whole family would be together... haha... nwas the train got delayed.. but i entertained my parents (tellin stories ofcus) so time flew by fast!!!

7the dec.. sunday.. went to church.. daddy preached today... and he took our choir to sing there.. i m pretty impressed.. nwas what we did not realise until someone commented was that the three os us.. me, albert and moses were in pink!!! haha so we looked like we were in uniform.. thank god my sis did not wear pink...

that evening.. my borthers went to recieved their fren cristina (a romanian-italian).. she is goin to spend christmans with us.. she is such a wonderful gal.. haha... always giggling and laughin..

8th dec...daddy informs me that i m goin to be the MC for the concert... i wanted to say no.. but being me.. i just cant say no to daddy...
well then khristin (my sis) said she wanted to buy a boot... so i decided to follow her.. but ended up in a cyber cafe with cristina... while albert accompanied her to shop!!1... well,.. tats all!!!

Later.. i got to practice my songs with the band...
ten since aggreed to play the piano (for one piece) with the choir.. got to practice with them..
still praying for my throat,.,,, it still hurts.. doc said that singers tend to abuse their throat so i got to b careful...
okies bye guys!!

waitin...

Waiting..
what a many emotion is dispelled by this single word...
Anguish..
Irritation...
Anticipating to see a loved one...
But now.. I cant continue to wait... a few more hours n i'l be home!! A few more hours to see my new room.. Will it b as nice as i wanted it to be?? anxiety perps in... as they say curiosity kills the cat!!

well.. ciao for now..
I hate waiting..
Dont keep me waiting...
Less u dont see me anymore...

Dinner with my gals!!

TOday is the best day of my life.. erm.. one of the best days.. BECAUSE i got the opportunity to cook.. haha.. Like when i cook i get this emmense happiness which i cant express in words, U have to see me face-to-face to really understand the extraordinary excitement!! haha...
Deniece, Nicky, Ruth, Ella.. U r the best!! Its sad that Rachel got sick.. i really hope that she is better now...Ruth even bought Cheesecake for dessert...
Well if you wana know the recipes for the dishes i Cooked tonight.. Check out my Recipe blog!!!
# Another thing that i m damn excited about is...... I CARRIED PUCCI.. deniece's dog... Its a great achievement for me.. I guess Pucci was like mild, sweet and gentle so it kinda help.. otherwise some dogs r just so fierce!!! THis is the first time i m holding a dog,, wait i will post up the pics next time!!! I m trying to overcome my fear (of dogs) and Pucci helped.. such a sweet dog!!
Well, prior to that i could not even let a dog come near me.. then my first step was at shalyn's place.. I had no choice but to stay in the same room with Shalyn's dog (dutches).. so the furthest i got was letting dutches lick me.. i could not hold her.. guess was quite scared.. but now whoa-la!!! i can carry Pucci!!! but i don know whether i can still do that to other dogs....

mmm...

three blog entries in a day,, must be really bored...
Mum called again and asked, "avoni how is your headache?"
"did you eat?" " try to eat something ok?" "Just be careful (cos of the weather now)'
mmmm...... how i wish i was at home... just wish to be pampered to death...
Bloggie dear, u must be tired of me. so i will stop writing n leave u alone...

Princess...

It sure does feel good being the Princess of the family...
I m much better now.. due to the dozes of Love from home..
(As i refused to take medicine)
Well, ever since i called daddy n told him that i was havin a headache...
He had his moments of unrest...
"avoni go and see a doctor" "eat this eat that"
Mum would be like, "take aspirin" which i did not have...
Then i suggested if takin Vit C pills be Ok.. Both of them replied, "mmm.. i don think that will help" (well, vit C is the only tablet that i m comfortable taking.. no Panadol, no watsoever)
Well, After informing him of my state.. Daddy called me up THREE times just to check on my health.. then i was like tryin to act mature and replied, "oh daddy, i m much better" or "i m resting now, i m sure i'l be better"
I just feel so precious...
I just feel wanted and needed...
I know that if something happens to me, someone will be in deeper anguish than i m...
mmm.... I love the feeling of being Loved...

*sick* timely or UNTIMELY???

I have been feeling quite tired since y'day, but i thought it was because of my usual emo*ness.. but today i woke up at around 12pm only to realise that i have this headache that does not go away!!!! On top of that i had no choice but take my violin class (because i cant cancel it... as i m not the one going to the teacher's place.. if so i wud have cancelled) well, i did not learn much today but nwas thats not the point....
Is this like a timely sickness or and untimely?? Just fell sickish after the exams are over.. (so i guess if u look at this side of the coin its timely) but now that the exams are over,, i get the chance to just go out and have fun ryt?? so it can be considered unttimely?? aye??
Called up daddy.. cos i needed to whine to somebody,,, and daddy came to mind.. he asked me to see a doctor, he said that there might be other things that caused the headache.. so better get it checked before it gets worst.. But the thing is.. I don like going to hospitals (for my sake.. i like visiting others tho.. moral support), or seeing a doctor.. just a weird phobia... so i told him.. i'l take rest today and see if i get better,, if not i will visit a doctor.. but let's see how it goes today.. ( i said this just to comfort him) well, i will not visit a doctor... I will just pray to the great physician.. (JESUS)...
I feel so lonely..
I feel so left out..
I feel so sad...
I feel like dying...
I feel nothing..

Study... my big mouth,,

I must try to keep myself awake...
Last week was study break... but study i did not.. I don't blame it on the concert.. cos if i wanted i could squeeze in some time.. but well, lets just blame to lack of motivation...
Apparently the so-called "lack-of-motivation" continues... I tried studyin from likr 1030am.. but i had difficulties keeping myself awake.. I constantly dozed off.. and guess wat?? by the time i woke up it was already 1pm.. i guess the books started singing their sweet lullaby... well i m just depending on what i know, meaning from what i understood from all those lectures... mmm....
Prioritize AVONI!!!!
Besides that i should learn to "think Before I Speak" aya,.. sometimes i just utter things (really bad) without thinking about the effects it will have on the other end... well, like for me, i m like super implusive.. I LIVE in the moment.. so whatever i think i speak,, just whack without really meaning it.. or just do things as i feel like doing at that moment!!! sometimes i forget what i said. And the funny thing is I don't understand why those stupid things i said could have such a big effect.. well, I m still trying to figure out!!! LIke apparently some things i said made joel damn guitly and I was like *ding* (confused) cos i was not lik angry or anything when i said these things.. maybe abit disappointed but it was all forgotten the next minute.. well,,,, the world is a big playground with alot of different type of kids.. so I hope i get to figure out this "kid"... ok i will go back to studyin.. or sleepin,, hahaha... muacks guys!!!

taken for granted???

For no reason, this sudden cloud of *emo*ness overwhelmed me.. like I am really not that sad.. but nonetheless feels *lost*, like sad for some reasons which i don't know... And in this state, this weird thought of Daddy neglecting me or the fear of not being LOVED enough (*as before*) just ran through my head! It crazy I know. And these past two days, I have been pissed off by him FOR NO REASONS... (like the other day i was on the phone with dad.. and the moment he uttered the line, "you mean you cant even do that?" (He did not say in a harsh tone, but in his normal manner) but that just "fired" me.. and i in my usual 'spoilt tone' replied, "aaahhh (long scream) nevermind nevermind.. forget it.. forget it.. (i kept saying "forget it' in between his sentences)
Dad: avoni, what happened? (very very calm and gentle tone)
Avoni: Nothing nothing... I will do it... It k.. don worry!
Dad: The PNR number and the ticket number is there.. (in the sms he send me)
Avoni: ok. (abit calm now.. state of realisation.. )
Dad: avoni, if you cant do it then don worry, I will get it done for you..
avoni: its ok daddy, I will do it. (now in my gentle and loving tone)

After that i felt abit guilty, so i send him an sms apologizing if i had offended him. To which we had a short conversation (exchanging sms)
I guess i have been so used to daddy taking care of me that sometimes i forget to treasure him or mummy. Like it seems normal for me to be taken care of by them, sometimes to the extend that I feel its their JOB to take care of me!! ah!! Avoni, Grow up!!! Well, they are the BEST parents in the whole wide world!!! If there is a competition they would certainly WIN the goal MEDAL!!! *LOVE you BOTH****

Coincidentally, i recieved this email from Meron, its very touchin... do read it!!!
A KEEPER!!!
Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived
barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, work shirt and a hat; and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It was the time for fixing things: a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep. It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, re-heating leftovers, renewing; I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more. But when my mother died, and I was standing in that clear morning light in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to return. So... While we have it, it's best we love it... And care for it... And fix it when it's broken... And heal it when it's sick. This is true: For marriage... And old cars... And children with bad report cards... Dogs and cats with bad hips... And aging parents... And grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep, like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that make life important, Like people we know who are special... And so, we keep them close!

~German Requiem~

Finally!!! Its over!!!! Well I am glad that its over... but i cant believe the whole thing ended so FAST!!! When we practiced, it seemed super long,,, nwas now i cant wait for the next performance!! (yeah!!) OH!! I hope MOTHER(AKA LIM YAU) does not scold us on monday!!! Man.. my feet hurts!!! Can u imagine Singing (which itself requires ALOT of energy, esp works like this!!) and STANDING for more than an HOUR!!! I guess there's always a price to pay, EVEN for your passion!! I manage to meet TESSA's Husband... both of them are so cute together.. (tessa, if u r reading this.. don blush ok??)...

Yup!! YUP!! Had dinner with Shalyn, Ruth and Justin (ruth's secondary fren)... at this japanese place (of which i cant rem the name),,, Yup.. I din think that ruth and shalyn wud click so well... haha... ok.. ya! wait.. i made a great achievement,,, i manage to enjoy "sashimi".. when i first tried i couldn't take it so i spat it out.. (eeeeww!!!) but today i total enjoyed it!!

mmm.... ten when to Max Brenner... (no matter how full u r.. there's always a space for dessert!!) yoyo.. Ah!!! I cant sleep... Its always like this, i mean i cant sleep when i m super full... mmm....

Harp.. final seat arrangement...

Well, today Maestro Lim yau was doing a final seat arrangement after the rehearsal. It was damn scary. Cos he said something like, "I am going to shift you around, please it's not that i don't like you (at this someone from the choir intentional blew his nose).. (then he sniggered n continued after a pause) It's not that i don't like you. But i want to place the front row with people that i am confident in. (at this my heart started beating irregularly.. was so scared, cos i was sittin in the front row... i prayed hard that he would not shift me otherwise it will be so embrassin)

He started moving people, one by one, both my right and left were shifted somewer.. ten at this my heart to skip even faster... well, i think my prayers were like answered cos He did not move me!!! Phew!! this is like a big time relieve for me...

Nwas before he dismissed us, he told us to preserve our voice.. said something like, "tomor do not talk, even in your office try not to speak, u will need it for the performance!!"

Well.. not talking is goin to b hard for me,,, LOL... nwas i m terribly quiet now.. I bet Ella is enjoyin the silence.. LOL..

OH btw I cant stop but admire the harp so i took a pic... LOL.. enjoy!!!

Tonight... Deniece.. HARP...

Was on my way back home from rehearsal. ALmost half-dead. Damn tired. My eyes were dead tired, i bet the people in the train wud b speculating that i m wasted or something. Nwas, deniece called. It has been ages since i "fellowship" with her. Blames all on me. She initaited a Lunch, like last tuesday. But for some funny and unexcusable reason, I bailed out on her. Well, was SUPER glad to hear her voice again!! ha! A synopsis of our conversation..
Deniece: Hey, come down!
Avoni: Ok... (pause).. Where? (psst.. btw i was on the train)
Deniece: I m just below your house!
Avoni: Huh! (*shocked*)
Deniece: come down...
Avoni: I m on the train.. Jus finis rehearsal..
Deniece: where.. I 'l come pick u up..
Avoni: M at kembangan (don't know how to spell..) why don't you come to bedok?
Deniece: ok. ok.. bedok then..
Avoni: ok.
Deniece: ah.. hey hey.. which side? oh.. the interchange.. that side?
Avoni: ah,, ok ok... see you soon..

ha! I mean this meeting with her and Jeremy just revived me.. i mean i was dead tired,, but well, it all went away.. (i know it sounds weird, but everytime i meet people esp good frens, I m energised!!)

Apart from that!!! TOday we rehearsed with the Orchestra for the first time!! We get to rehearse together only twice( 2 days before concert)!!! It was fantastic!! It sounded marvelous.. man i cant help but appreciate the Harpist ya.. I m going to learn the harp... its in my 5 year plan!!! yoyo.. i mean if i manage to gather enough resources.. that is!! ha ha.. but i m sure that in due time God will provide, He always does!! (GOD!!! This is another one of my PASSION ok??? Please give me the Opportunity to learn the HARP!!!???? PLease??) Tsk.. it is an expensive instrument... Jeremy said there are like only 20 harpist in SINGAPORE.. man, unbelievable,, man, i bet its expensive!!

3 more days...!!!

I m so so so so so..... awfully excited of all the wonders God has done!!!! Man, he has healed my sore throat!! jus 2 days back, i was so worried cos instead of my throat getting better, i had the addition of this unwanted virus (flu)!! I got so terrified that on satuday I kept drink hot ginger tea like totally non-stop!! (and occasionally honey and vit C capsules) Well, all these troubles cos I hate takin all those medication with chemicals, like panadol and the like!! (call me grandma, I don care!! he he..)
And y'day I sort of started havin like slight headache during the worship at the evening service, so i decided to go home after worship!! I sort of started to "mildly" panic, cos i need to get well, cos i needed my voice!!!
Well, guess wat??? I woke up today, feeling much better!! its just so absurd. I mean just y'day i felt i was going to get even more sick, but God has HIS ways of doing things!!
(LIstening to "the call" now.. its just so touching and romantic.. ah!!)
Well, thank you God!!
Now cant't wait for Thrusday!! "A German Requiem" yo!!!

HIghlight of violin class

Just finished my violin lessons.. today i bugged my teacher so much so that he started laughing uncontrollably; which further prompted him to disturb me even more!! well, the reason for my bugging him was because i wanted him to admit that i played well!! haha... Here is like a gist of our conversation.
Me: (after finishing a piece) Good ryt?
He: (with a smirk) Not bad.
Me: aya, when r u goin to admit that its gud..
He: ha. i will not make u so happy. cos if i say good, u might stop prac! I want u to improve.
Me: Aya, i will still practice! for once say good ya!

LIke any other Asian male teacher or father for that matter, He wunt dare to admit, thinking that his non-admittance will improve my skill.. hahaha... (rubbish!!!) Well here more of our conversation.

Me: (imitating him) Not bad!
He: (laughin) ya! not bad..
Me: i will wait for the day u say GOOD!!
He: (amidst all the noise said very softly) good.
Me: huh, again "not bad".... aya!!!
He: i just said, "gud"
Me: I never hear..
he: oh! cos i lost my voice.. (oh he had sore throat)
Me: Why must u say the "good" so softly! if u scold me then u speak so loudly then when it comes to "good" then u lost ur voice??
He: oh! if u don't hear then it's ur lost!! (continue smirkin...)

Nwas... gona have a cool day.. gona have DG (cell group) at an indian restuarant.. cool ryt??? stay cool guys...

ALL i ASK of You...

At this very moment of deep agony, I m listening to "ALL i ask of you".. tsk.. OH what could be worst than having a sore throat!! I have been drinking ginger tea, honey and Nim Jiom Pei pa koa very religiously, but does not seem to help.. Oh, not to forget WARM water!! God, all i ask of you is to take away this sore throat PLEASE??? I love you... Never ever let me get it again, daddy God.
its hurting not in the physical sense but the fact that I can't hit even B flat (the one above high C) without making an effort. I m suppose to be able to hit that comfortably.. sob sob... But i know that in my WEAKNESS God will make me able!! AMEN!! I think i need to learn to lean on Him rather than panickin over this.. Maybe He is trying to do something through this...?? something even more interesting and wonderful??? I am waiting.. lord.. don't make me wait too long, cos you know how much i HATE waiting...
I have rehearsal later... and its gona worsen my condition (singing the high note in my current condition) but Lim Yau is scary.. (oops should call him with more respect.. LOL.. don care, he is not gona read my blog,, hahaha) .. Like at rehearsal y'day, he was like telling this lady to "wake up".. and when the lady did not know that He was talkin to her.. HE went up closer and point his finger at her and asked her, "stop sleeping".. actuali she was not sleeping,, but maybe he meant figuratively? like asking her to sing properly or look fresher??? aya,, nwas its scary...
ok.. bye bye.. 'everytime we touch, i get this feelin'
everytime we kiss, i swear i can fly'.. LOvE this song...

Improvements... Character development???

As Ella and I were on our way to Clarke Quay, we were having our random mini-talks about 'Characters' or to be more specific we were trying to study people's face, body language and guessing how their character would be. crazy ryt?? I know know.. but it was fun. (funny how our answers/judgement were similiar.. )

Nwas the bottom-line is this thing that Ella told me about me. It made me stop and reflect... ok here's what she said, "you know, you are not proud... and also your heart is clean (as in straight, pure, etc) i mean you don have any sub-motive or ulterior motive in whatever you do.. " that made my heart MELT!!! oh... well here goes my reflection part... cos i have come a long way.. I have grown alot with regards to my personality..

OK i give a THEN and NOW comparison ya??

Then: According to my dad, I am like quite proud.. then ok?? Even some of my schoolmates (high school) will confirm this statement.

NOW: well, i don know how much i have come.. but i really wanted to change.. well, daddy mit have to eat his words,, LOL... (with regards to ella's comments)

THEN: The last person that my frens want to share would be me... its strange, like when they wana have fun, THEY come to me, but when it comes to like important stuffs or like deep sharing,, i don recollect them comin to me.. (hey m talkin about THEN ok?)

NOW: I feel good listening to other people, not saying that i rejoice over their misery, but i m just glad that i could be of some help (at least by listening..) Oh Deniece once mentioned that i am a good counseller... ah.. m so happy... and like these days my friends likes sharin to muah.. (at least i think so...) so ya, i have bcom a better listener...

Nwas the list will go on.. but the message i want to being across is that you will always be you... but u can make improvements to further develop ur personality thats more loveable and christ-like.. but remember, without compromisin on WHO U R...

Love and Affection - Mummy and Daddy

I miss my mummy and daddy so much ya, I mean its not that unbearable kind. But its just that at times I need that kind of affection that only they are capable of showering on me. The kind of Love, pampering, etc.. that i can recieve without feeling Guilty. A kind of bonding where I can DEMAND for attention and affection without getting that feeling of being too over-bearing on the other party. Oh geez...~! Ah! nwas I m gona see them Soon~ What should I get them for christmas this Year? Must really do something or give them something, like really nice.. Kind of like a make-up for last year ~i wasn't HOME for xmas..~
Well, apart from that life is great. I did manage to slim down abit, (aya i did not manage to go back to the really slim Avoni-back-when-I-first-came-to-singapore but who cares? I did manage to lose abit ryt?) So i am hoping that my sister will give me a congratulatory pat... muhahaha... She is a sweet little bossy sister.. Love her mann!!
Well, I manage to get hold of one of my brothers recently and had a good chat with him (moses). Its so hard these days to even get a chance to talk to them, both of them seems to be extremely busy!!! ah.. no time for their beloved sister.. (hey if u reading this, do feel guilty,, haha..). Nwas, i am super glad that Ben has matured so much. Like the way he talked to me was so different from what he used to be. He is more responsible, sincere and focussed these day. haha.. he was braging to me about what his Voice teacher told him.. hahah cute ryt?? (he now seems to be more excited about giving recital and concerts than me..??? haha)
Okie... mmm... Well m just looking forward to seeing them again.
"Avoni.Albert.Benry.Khristin... Forever!!!" Oh mum and dad also included...

Nicky tay....

I really had a really good bonding time with nicky today.. well, she is almost the exact opposite of me.. One of the best SANE frens i have (well, the others r as cool and crazy as can be).. It has been so long since we, like hang out and jus do things together.. Sometimes i feel a bit weird not getting to c her more often, mostly cos I saw her like EVERYDAY last term, until we got bored of each other and almost killed each other (Jus kidding LOL)...
Ya, so today she wanted to meet up for study, but for me i just wanted to be with her and Just talk or uno just have that time with her.... so well, i ended up playing the guitar and reading a MAG (an article on 'how to choose the right partner.. i think?? oh geez.. something like that)...
She is such a darling.. the moment i walked in the door, she was like, "Avoni, don't go back home for so long... stay in singapore" then after a few minute she went, "Oh!! avoni.." then again she went, "hey i have an idea, y don'y u marry my brother, then we will become relatives, ten i will always see you.." then ya... we continue talking about my daddy,mummy, her cell group, my cell group, food, etc etc...
I realised that i use the line.."blah blah blah..." A LOT... she asked me to stop.. but i think i cant ya...??? it saves me alot of trouble uno?? cos i don have to explain everything.. i jus say a sentence or two and add blah blah blah.. ten everyone can understan ryt?? LOL...
Nicky, nicky nicky, what will i do without ya,,,

Oh geez.. Goin crazy!!!

This is really something ya... I m like goin nuts.. There are times that the Alarm rings and i wake up and jus turn it off cos M jus too tired.. but these days, its a different SToRy!!! I don even hear the Alarm ring!!! and this has happened 3 days in a row... and i wake up like really really late.... thank God that i don take any morning classes or else i m DEAD!!! It jus too weird.. n its quite LOUD but yet i don happen to hear it..

Not only that, i have been doin other crazy things as well, like earlier i was saving some stuffs in Ella's thumbdrive, so ya after that instead of pluggin out the thumb, I took out the Broadband!!! And on top of that, i was even trying to like put the cover (of the thumb drive) on the broadband, and all the way i was so puzzled and irritated that it would not fit!!! Ya Ella had a good laugh.. being a witness to this great and stupid act of mine...

i thought it would end there but NO!!!// like we were goin to college for class.. then I almost got off a stop earlier... thinking that i'v already reached college... Man!! thank God for Ella, otherwise i would have alighted already!!! Geez.....

Oh this is not the end of the drama... After reaching col, Ella went to the LIbrary to print the assignments.. and guess what she started callin me, like twice, asking me where i saved my file.. I thought maybe she did not find it or something.. so i decided to go down to the library.. Guess wat?? I saved the word Document... i saved a pervious assignment with the same title!!! Oh man.. i started panickin.... so i decided to explain to the lecturer... i think he sort of sensed that i was freaking out,.... He sort of understood and asked me to pass up the assignment next week, But as a proof that i have done my part, he asked me to email him my work by tonight!!! Thank you GOd!!! man.. m grateful for HIs abundant grace... Geez... i hope my head starts working properly... mmm cant wait for voice class tmr... mmm... G'nyt... Muacks!!!

Facial... Deep cleansing!!!

Went for Facial today with deniece.. i thought she was quite SWEET today.. like even tho she finished earlier she waited for me.. ;-)!! Nwas, it was a super-fabulously fantastic experience, i mean don'y u love that feeling of gettin ur face sweaky clean... MV beauty rocks mann!!!
Justin (beautician) was explainin to me some stuffs while washing for me... so i kinda like picked up some stuffs which i thought was quite applicable even in other areas of LIFE...
She said, "when u come 4 facial, its basically extracting all those impurities that accumulated.. blah blah bllah..... but what i wana emphasize is the regular cleansing AT HOME... cos it makes my work easier plus u don't end up wasting extra money extra treatment"
my thoughts, "mmm.... no wonder constant walk with God is important. Let's compare a sunday's sermon or a week's revival to the monthly facial okie?? without regular cleansing, the skin will be clogged wit all those dirts, oils and bacteria, hence the ugly skin over time... well, even if u have breakouts due to stress and study, if u cleanse regularly, IT is EASIER for the beautician to do her wonders on u, but without the regular cleansing.. she would like end up pricking ur skin and trying her best to penetrate the thick ugly pores, thereby HURting u and causing a red bulb... DOn you get it?? God wants to clean ya n make u pure as Gold, but without the small regular cleansing, the process of making u PURE would be exremely hard... like I have always wondered why God does certian things to me and why he wants to embarrass me or hurt me so much.. but what i did not realise was that he wants to c me clean n good as new, n since i did not do my part, he has to do HIS ways on me, cos it was sooo obvious that my WAYS were killing me....
LOVE ya GOD... you rock!!!
OH ya.. was craving for ICE-cream, so ended up finishing half-a-TUB of ice-cream.... erm... now what do i do with the unwanted fats??? might actuali be good for winter ryt?? keep me warm... LOL!!!

okie... i'l get back to my assignments!!! have fun.. be cool always!!!

Sore throat.. Singing???

Man... havin a sore throat is the worst thing that could have happened to u, esp if u r required to be singing.. oh ya.. Y'day at the rehearsal was trying my best to sing as well as preserve my voice... hitting the high A, B and C when u r having a sore throat is not easy!!!! And if u continue to strain ur voice, u mit loose it!! that's what i was scared about.. but the other option of not singing was even scarier... like y'day Conductor Lim yau was like in a rage.... Wow!! i was jus praying to God that he would not point or pick on me.. Thank God he did not.. otherwise it wud have be sooo embrassing... like y'day he was moving people around,, changing positions so that the Choir would sound better (like moving the weaker ones to a more comfortable place...) then pointing out to people who were not singing to SING, abrubtly stopping the choir n makin three tenors to sing alone cos he cant get the sound that he wants from them... then telling us that we were not Good enough to be deemed as professionals... Oh mann.. after al that crap, he told us that He Loved each and everyone of us and thats yy he is doin all these.. and even apologised for tiring us sooo much (oh the rehearsal was intense, partly cos the concert is nearing.. 13th nov people!!!) but he said that this particular piece (Brahms' german requiem) is very complicated and demanded that of us.. saying stuffs like 'even if u take out the words, the notes alone is still a master piece'

Oh mann... i should not be absent for rehearsals, i mean i m present every monday (but i jus cant make it on thrusdays.. got class...) jus scared cos he was telling us to be more regular...

Food, Food, CRAVINGS, CRAVINGS...

AAAH... jus cant take it ya... i have been munching out the whole week... even after dinner (or lunch) i jus have this urge to eat something.. n i usuali end up snacking on unhealthy stuffs (chips, cookies, pocky, Pretzels...) AVoNI.. COntrol!!!!

LIke y'day... at DG i was like horrendously craving for a Subway cookie, (n i had dinner already) so all the way thru dg, my mind was like 'cookie, cookie;.. sadly the outlet at Chinatown was closed by the time we finis Dg(10 plus)... so decided to drag everyone to 7eleven... grab a pocky and a famous amos cookie.. bah,, no match for subway!!! nwas.. even the night before was like that... like i reached home from school , then this urge jus captured me, so ended up eating a curry puff!!!

To make matters worst, the pattern is following even today!!! jus had a cream cracker n now eating 'Rold Gold America's NO 1 Pretzels" lol... nwas.. m not gaining any weight so i DON care... but m scared that i'l end up FAT!!! (My worst nightmare!!!) oh!! finally satisfied my craving for a subway cookie today (jus before havin a filling lunch of fish and chips... DUH!!) seems like my heart (or rather my mouth lol) is stronger than my mind...

Oh shut up AVONI!!! stop stop.... i'l go n watch MADE OF HONOR....

Dating.... MARRIAGE???

Well... at small group today... Pastor Dennis continued with the Topic of DATING and there about went to MARRIAGE as well.... pretty interesting... never knew that such a topic would bring so much excitement!!! LOL...
Nwas i jus juxtapose all the things that stood out okie??? cant write in exact sequence ya... lol!!!
Pastor D: "What come to your mind when you think of Dating? please dont think Christian ok?"
Ella: In Nagaland there are less non-Christian so?? i cant think in non-christian way (ding....) .. but dating is like getting to know someone more and just spending time..
Me: Dating is like enjoying the other person and getting to know more about him.
Samuel: dating... i believe shud b male and female... i don like male-male or...
Pastor D: Ya God made Adam and Eve not Adam and STEVE... (everyone burst out laughin)
"its about seeing whether u r compatible" "goin out for movies or dinner"

DATING in Christian sense????
"More boundaries and more cautious" "values system" "Church comes to mind - like cell group" "accountability"

PURPOSE of Dating???
"Eventually lead to marriage" "compatibility" "get to know his/her family"

OK I CANT REM IN PROPER SEQUENCE... HERE.. I L DUMP EVERYTHING!!
One thing that struck me was what Pastor Anita said, "marriage is not about completeness.. it's about two whole individual coming together, and still being whole even after they are together" (it's jus awesome!!!)
"i always pictured marriage as a triangle - God, me and my husband." (cool ryt??) "Marriage??? Finding someone who has the qualities that i don't,, like example, i m bad in finance so someone who can handle money" (Guess who said this??? hahha... we suggested to him to advertize for an accountant.. lol)
"In the world dating is all about getting what you can from the other person... satisfy your needs..." " ya in the world sense, the guy is like can i get sex out of this relationship" "but if you love someone, the expressions of your love should not bring you guilt"
This talk led to TRUE LOVE WAITS.. its like a movement where u abstian from sex before marriage... and safe your VIRGINITY for your husband/wife. cos otherwise the real essence of marriage that God created would be spoilt!!!
Then there was this issue of Flee-ing from Temptation, resolving in your heart, pursing a goal of righteousness, love, peace etc.. and ACCOUNTABILITY!!!
ya accountability like havina senior person be your mentor of your relationship etc... helpin u in the path.. etc.. kinda cool...
Man my small group is like the coolest group in the whole wide world!!!!

JUNO... All i want is you

was reading deniece's blog today.. man.. that song that she posted is awesome.. its the song from JUNO.. ALL i want is you!!!!... oh man....
Decided to watch the movie.. instead of polishing my paper (due tomor) nwas i'l wake up tmr n do...
Nwas the most touching thing about this movie was towards the end.. wer the daddy saya to juno... "find the person who will love you for who you are, just the way you are, all sides of you... " (at least it something like that.. for goodness sake i did not memorize it!!!) COOL man.... got to sleep now... muacks!!!!

consequences... or TREATS!!!

There are times when u do things u shud not do and DON do what u shud do.. like pricking ur unnoticable Zits and turning them into huge bulbs of pimples, or opening ur big mouth only to offend someone wen u don mean it... AND doin things u ought to do and shud do but DONt do.... like cleaning ur room... are always pushed to the rear... (We cleaned our room ttoday and it is super neat,,, hurray!! i can breathe now...) but what you don realise is that doin what u shud b doin only helps u!!!
OK... like for example, doin the right things benefits u not only in that area but in others as well (lets take that as complimentary bebefits.. :-)... for instance, cleaning the room.. makes the room clean, enhances the studying mood, burns calories (hence slimmer) et etc...
well, the analogy m trying to make is that I shud b doing the RIGHT thing and not only go by my feelin... before i do anything Stupid,, i shud take into consideration what the outcome will be... well if it doesn't hurt anyone then well i l go ahead.. but shalyn taught me a lesson the other day.... "it's gud that u live in the moment... but be careful, wen u r dealing with other people's lives.." mmm..... i love me, me, me... and i love my neighbour, neighbour, neighbour....

So Hard!!!

i almost broke out into tears ya... being a classically train painist, its so hard to get the 'swing'... so very!!! I hope i get it.. Like last sunday, Joel was trying to teach (very patiently, i tel ya) but it din get thru my thick skull... nwas half way thru... Uncle Jimmy came in and started laughin at me, telling me that i was doin it wrong... at first i cud take it, i jus smiled and tried my best... but he wunt stop laughing at me!!! Even after Joel explained it to him that i don know the 'duno-wat-some-technique' he wunt stop....

well, at this point my face wen from 'moses bright' to 'pharoah black'.... LOL!!! but i m not goin to GIVE UP!!!!!

mmm.... oh ya... i learnt a new variation of the 4 pattern (drums) its soooo cooool/..... oh mann... finally m able to play drums.. after a long wait!!!! Paul david din have the time to teach, jerry was too LAZY, Chee kin did make an effort but he's busy ya (baby n stuffs)....

Ok.... finally today i got to catch up on my sleep.... since sat until like this morn.. i was totally busy... slept at 3am, woke up at 6am, ten run around the whole day (doin stuffs that i cunt cancel).... but today i made it a point to rest!!! so after i reach home about 11am.. i slept until 3pm... phew!!! a relief....

well, not got to shower n get ready to go to school... oh mann, i haven done my readings... m screwed!!!!

JAZZ!!!

Jazz jazz... this sudden craze and frenzy love for jazz overpowered me... cunt stop listening to 'Jamie cullum' (He's cute... oh!) 'diana krall' 'frank sinatra' (so old ya.. lol) nwas i think it's such a beautiful and refreshing genre of music... I cunt wait to be playing it!!! despite not having a piano at hand, here in singapore, i sort of like try to imagine.. i hope imagining helps! lol! people don't laugh t meh ok? when u hear me talk about it.. like face to face.. then u will understand how passionate i'v become!
Coincidentally.... one of my assignments for Music appreciation (oh man, the assignments 4 tis modules are killing me) is to write about Jazz... it's root, and blah blah blah.... so cool ryt??? mmm....
aaahhh!! nwas besides that, i cunt wait to learn drums and play it like reali fantastically... i m crazy about ALOT of things and one of them is learning drums.. ask rachel, she wud telya.. lol.. once i was, like, telling this person how passionate i was about drums etc etc.. she popped in and commented that i m passionate about alot of things, and that i wana learn everything... mmm.... ALMOST everything... well, jus picked up the violin and m very happy with my teacher, He is really a gud teacher. cunt wait for the next class.... well, mmm..... wat else? i'l catch up wit u guys next time... ironically m listenin to 'if we hold on together" now.. lol... ciao!!!

life, seasons, new duties...

As the day passes, u no there's a bundle of things that u have yet to complete... well i have a feeling that the next 6 months will be like that!!! Although i'l b taking a break from TCA college, from all my creative studies (or rather from my carzy frens) I'l not be totally taking a break!!! Oh man, i better anounce to all my frens about my break!! ( I"L b leaving singapore for more than 6months)

For one, i have to help my dad. period. Ever since i left, he felt a gap in his music dept (not a big gap though hahahha), then consiquetively another main teaher left (for some reasons i will not discuss here,. LOL... a gal got to b discreet ok??/) then after that Albert (my Bro) left for his studies, a few months later Benry (my other brother left).... so u c he kinda feels a huge gap!!! SO MY DUTY IS TO GO BACK AND REVIVE the system, get the school moving to another level!! hopefully i can... (hey Avoni,, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!!! Amen)

Then my Next mission.. which is sort of connected to the first... I am planning to give non-stop recitals, mini concerts, parties... that will give awareness to the people that AVONI is back!!! yo yo.. kidding... i thought it might be helpful to strengthen the music department... maybe a silly thought but i will definitely c it through... so that even after i leave home and go back to pursue my desire,,, the dept would sort of be strengthened?? don you think so???

ok, then number three... to go back and continue with my studies, from where i left, not my creative arts one but my secular degree in english major... then atleast i would have a Bachelor degree.. muhahahhah.... LOL!!!

then number 4... to give music exams from ABRSM for my voice and further extend my piano as well... maybe if time permits i'l try to do more...

then number 5... save money and go for a holiday!!!!! yay!!! cos i know that once i get back to singapore and study i mit not get a chance to breathe and relax... so woo-hooo....

and now most importantly... i will have fun, enjoy, be pampered by mummy and daddy, and hahaha... atlast will get to c my room!!!! wee.... OH,,, now come to think of...i will really miss my frens in singapore????

Small, lil, tiny miracles....

well, there are alot of things that cud happen to us quite fruquently and they become a part of you. For me, dropping my phone at the wrong places (like a hard, solid, tough cemented ground) was a norm. God knows how many times i'v dropped it and still nothing happens, until y'day..... I dropped it at the lift and i really have no idea how i did it!!! then suddenly it went blank... the screen wunt display anything.... i cud sense a vibration now and then, it wud either b an sms or a call... but the screen was blank.... was terrified.. cunt survive without it man!!! then tod i'l repair it the next day (which is today) so went to those repair shop and asked how much it wud cost me... and the person told me it useless to repair cos it wud cost me $90 (so in a way, gettin new one is more worth it than repairing it) haiz!!! i was totally burning up, but kept my cool tho....

Ya, so i tod i'l get a new one.... mmm... din want to waste money gettin another one, wen i could use that money for other purposes!!! well, at that moment i said a prayer. Ask God to restore my phone!!! (let me tell u, i felt really silly, praying for my phone... others pray for storms, cancer etc.. well i prayed for my phone)

A hour or two, nothing happened, my phone was still not working.... well by now i have already forgotten about the prayer i pronounce...

well, my hands got ichy and i wanted to check if there were any progress... switch on my phone and TADA!!!! it was working...... i was jus stunned!!!! open my mouth and started shouting for joy!!! you know how hard i can scream!!!! well,..... this was a lesson for me... no matter how small the issue... God wants to b a part of you, He wants to take the lead place in Big and SMALL things as well........ yeah!!!!

Expectations!!!

"what do you expect of your future spouse?"
Pastor Anita popped that question at small group discussion y'day and left all of us speechless (which is not very usual in my group) Listening to the different people share was kinda interesting... They all think very alike and i was sort of alien to all those expectations that each one of them listed out!!! Here are a few....

Ella: He must be a handy person (like someone who can fix a broken bulb or chair etc) ** at this i went blur**

Samuel : I want her to be a housewife and raise the kids. **my reply wud be "what about her dreams and ambitions???"

Lewis: these days i'v been thinking about getting married. ** ding!!!**so straight-forward**

Jerry: Shud not shop so much. or buy something expensive and later come and shock me ** Hello gals love to shop,,,, so its a matter of who's money are u using to do that refreshing hobby**

"know how to cook" "must love kids" "need not be handsome" ** let me tell you at tis my nouth jus dropped** "must know how to manage finance cos i m very bad" etc etc... everyone jus starting popping like a popcorn....

THEN after a short while, they paused and asked who hasn't share... and tada,,, it was me... i din wana open my mouth.. i mean i don mind sharing but all the things they listed out were like so different from what i expected. I mean they were so specific, and i'v never tod of all these... so i replied, "I don wana say"
"Why not??"
"cos mine is so diff from yours and i mit sound superficial"
" it ok. jus tell us what you have in mind"
mmmm...... ya then i tod hey doesn't matter if they think i m weird or anything.. i jus went ahead... lol... Ya all those list!!! Tall, handsome, gud body (not too fat not too thin) must b manly enough to carry the colour PINK, smart and hard-working but not neccesarily rich (being rich is not in my list), must super pamper me and shud also be able to take all the pampering that i will pour out to him... blah blah blah,, the list goes on!!! But sadly i forgot to add the most important thing.. MUst be Godly!!!

Well!! then after all that she jus threw us another question
"you have all listed out your expectations, but what about your partner's expectation?"
Then she pointed out, that we may have expectations too,, but will be be able to bend our expectations abit for the expectations of our partner... ya n that put us to a silent mode again!!!

Well, nwas that lesson that i specifically learnt was that this small rule applies even in our ministry or other aspects. ** dealing with the expectations of others**

Two- edged Sword

"The word of God is sharper than a two-edged sword" - well, i think cos god Knows us deeper than anyone else, even those secrets that we don't know about ourselves.

Have not been blogging for quite long....... Have been havin a terrible time the past week accepting reality. We live in a world where things go the way we don't intend it to go. Like a wise saying goes, "Happiness is like a butterfly, if u chase after it, it will run away. But if u sit still, it will come to you" I guess God has been applying this quite often in my life. At times, He does things for me that i wud have never thought about. Getting into the Singapore Symphony Chorus, A sense of security in monetary terms concerning my studies, wonderful friends who are always there for me even at 4am in the morning. But I sort of realised that the problem is not with God, nor with me not doing what i shud be doing but With Me doing beyond what I shud be doin.
People have always said that creative people are emotionally imbalance, and many a times i have proved them right. Just last week i had this thought of giving up what i was doing, as it seems to be taking me nowhere. For me, time is a very significant element and extending my period of studies (not because i have not finis my course in time, but becos i have to wait for my fellow students to finis their course so that we can start the next level together) seems to be the button that triggers me (ALL the TIME) I Guess i have to realise that a thousands years is a day to God and a day is a thousand years.
well, so the other night I cunt handle this depression, the thought was too much for me, being 20 and not making it!! so i tried calling up my parents but somehow the line did not go through. Then, I smsed Meron and told him how I was feeling but he seemed to be tired so i dropped the idea of telling him further. But i was feeling so down tht i needed to talk to someone, so I ended up calling Alan. He is someone who has known me for quite a number of years, seen me grow up and knows about my various emotional waves. Well, it was 4am in the morning, but he was ever so willing to sort out my probs, I thank God for his words of encouragement and stuffs, cos i m now much better and not at all depressed. I have realised that problems or strange thoughts starts creeping in when i focus on myself and not on God.
Alan sort of showed me that life is not about getting what you'v expected, but getting even better than what you have ever dreamed off. Yes, I will Hang in there and slowly unfold all the good things that God has in store for me.
well guys, i have one last thing to share before i sign off. Well, I have like many christians, always wanted God to tell me something through preachers or stuffs like that. And as usual, i was asking God last sunday, "WHAT dya have for me today?" and as soon as i finished asking God that Question, the preacher said, "God does not need to reveal to you through a prophetic word/words, every single thing that you do or every natural occurances in your life is a word from God" (Well, I paraphased it a litle bit)

Mixed feelings

I miss my sister, n mum, n dad, n my brothers..... really love tthem alot!!! i cunt imagine, what i will do wen God asks me to forsake tem for HIM.. i will be stuck!!! anyways, like ruth always tells me, "if u go through that, God will give u the strength" I hop he does!!!

God has always been very good to me n i always have this mentality that i need to do something to reciprocate his love!! But i m reminded now and again that I HAVE TO DO NOTHING!!!! All i have to do is live in his love n be obedient,, (which at time, i tel u, its hard,, obedience requires great skill alryt,, lol)

Ok ok. ten these past few week. The sunday preachers r like talking non-stop about obedience n stuffs. gettin to my head.......... how fulfilling God's mission will require for a sacrifice on personal happiness and safety! n then during worship songs like blessed be your name,,,, they tend to tell me stuffs i never knew before.... "Blessed be your name....... THOUGH THERE'S PAIN IN THE OFFERING, blessed be your name"

I think God is telling me something... like i need to give up something i love (my dreams or something, duno!! n its scary)

Ok the to make matters worst,,, while havin dinner with Ayan, he was telling me how people dont become successful instantly. He told me, "go ask any successful business man, the top CEO's, anyone... they will tel u what they went through. they did not start there uno, some of them started as door to door salesman or something like that" (Guess he was talkin about his brother.. lol. ayan if u r reading this..... HI n sorry for comments)then i was like thinking.... "but there r people who get it wiout tryin"

MMMm........... anyways...... God has a better plan for me then i have for myself.......

Oh man!! yeserday i was carrying mark's baby....... ten this sudded feelin came up to me... like i wana baby... oh man,, mark's baby is soooooooooo cute....... it just rouse up the passion i have for having a baby!!! way to go sister............ ok i l stop now..... guess m borin u guys.......... LOL ciao!!!

NOWHERE!!!!!

I feel as if I am going nowhere. Like i m going to be stuck in this phase forever. suddenly i don't feel like I m growing, as in skill wise, spiritually, career or whatever, and it scares me to think that i will be stuck in this level for my whole life!!!

I need my big break!!!! I'v always wanted to be a Star, to be somebody, to die performing on stage, but m nowhere there. and these past few years i have not been performing, like for real. (ofcus i do play piano n sing in church and stuffs, but thats not what i was born for)

Ever since i could stand, my dad identified that i was stage-material!! He told me a very funny story. it seems i would press the Demo button on my keyboard and act as if i was performing, well my audience were my parents, relatives and parent's frens!! LOL! and i was only 2 years old. but i feel i m never gona make it big OUT there!! I am 20 for goodness sake, and stuck here as a nobody!! Whereas those fortunate fellas make it BIG out there by the time they are 16!!! arrrgghhhh!!! It's frustrating for me to be here.......... I want to conquer the whole world....... due to my bubbly disposition, everyone thinks i happy and satisfied withh my life, BUT what they don't know is that i m rotting inside. spending most of my nights crying and questioning God!!!

WHY GOD???? why???? I love you but why do I have to sacrifice my dreams????

LOST PASSION

Sitting here in the Library, this feeling jus knocked into my head... like i felt so emo* and stuffs like that; then i realized that my passion for music has been revived. I have finally learnt to embrace "My first Love" which i have for so long disregarded. Let me relate to you the series of events that bulk up to this realisation.......

* My dad called me like last week, and ask me to take violin class and also to upgrade my piano. (and let me tell ya,, Violin is an Instrument that i wanted to learn, since like eternity, but never got the chance)

* On tuesday, after Voice Lesson Melody wanted to hear me play the Piano, so I just sort of sight-read those books that she had. I really enjoyed playing the paino so much so that when i stopped playing and checked the time, AN HOUR HAS PASSED!! (and it has been a long time since i played classical pieces)

* While chatting with Meron, he asked my what my passion was and without a thought I told him "Music, dance and drama" and the more he talked about music, the more i yearned for It.

* Y'day Shaun passed me this link, it 's about this Jap guy playing a paino piece, and the more i listen to it, the more i am drawn into this unknown world where i do nothing but just play and enjoy music. (btw have been listening to this music in library too.. lol)

* Then today, i kinda explained to Rohit about this sudden change, this past passion that has been revived. So in his usual way, replied that I must be in LOVE. Then i was thinking,, Yes yes,, I m in Love... Definitely i M in Love .. with MUSIC!!

LISTenING to GoD'S vOIcE

Went for Academic advising today, and realised that i forgot to register for my graduation this year. Lol! ( i know what u r thinkin, so typical of her) amidst all the buziness, It just slipped pass my mind. It's not that i m very busy wit studies and so on, but i guess i cunt sit still. I think at this point of my life, God is asking me to BE STILL, not anywhere but in HIS presence.

In the mission trip and even after coming back to singpore, the song "BE STILL" has been comin my way, way too often...

AND today at the ACADEMIC advising, Paul David was kinda advising me to listen to GOD's plan for me, n follow my heart.. but that in following my heart, let God lead me. Cos at times, we might get carried away by the things of this world and all the so called GOOD offers of this world... ya....

ya,, also recollecting y'day at DG, Chris was sharing to me on how i shud let God handle my dreams and desires, instead of doing everything MYself and in MY own strength! Amen.... I really needed that... its like a slap on my face, but it was a gud slap!!!! AMEN!!!

And reflecting back, this week i have missed my quiet time like 5 times in a row.... GOD help me, to b more discipline, n to luk at my quiet time as a norm n not something that i have to put an effort to,.... I want to be more like Christ!

Following Christ is something like the Forest adventure. (went with Ruth and Roman last thrusday) Even tho the obstacles might be quite difficult n scary to do, if you trust ur harness, u wunt b too scared or troubled cos you know that u r secure.... I trust you God!!! Jus help me to realise that...

MIssION TrIP

Frankly speaking, I think this mission trip was very enriching and alot of impact on me.

A Miracle that i never expected came to life. I experience first-hand (not as the recipient but the one performing) how we, as christians have the authority to heal. After the altar call, I went up and prayed for some of the many people, and amongst them stood a lady; without having a second thought I asked her what she wanted to be prayed for.

A soft whisper such as "please pray for the pain in my abdomen" sent a rush of "stress-thrill" through my spine. I was so scared, my heart started pounding. Fine, i will pray for her, but would she be healed??? Many other thoughts ran through my head. But I asked God for help and earnestly sought for His power to manifest through me.

Later, while we were having Lunch, she came up to me and told me that she was completely healed. I could not believe it. there was not a stinch of pain in her abdomen. hallelujah!!!! I prayed with her for a second time, this time thanking God for all that He has done.

Growth... I could sense the victory over my impatience. It has been a long time I struggled with my short temperedness, my siblings would call me short fuse. I would, in the past, continually ask God to help me over this and make me more patient.

But this time round, i realised that I hardly get angry. I was able to maintian my poise in the midst of all the stress. I could see how God was preparing me for His Work.

Children, I love Kids!!!! My passion for having a kid grew even more after seeing all the kids that we worked with in the Mission trip. Various kids, like from the villages, slums, ex-cannibals.... they r all just adorable. I wish i had the money to adopt some of them... Oh!! ya i nearly become a mother, One of the motherh there asked me to adopt her child (very adorable baby) but clearly I m a kid myself and in no position to raise a kid.

Well, sometimes i picture myself as a mother, and i realise that I would definitely spoil my kids. those who know me very well will agree wit me...

shopping..... wow!!! shopping in phillipines is a treat!!! Everything is super cheap but mind you, the things r of good quality... so same quality wit a cheaper price not bad ryt???

I bought quite a few things.... 5 tops, 3 tees for my siblings, 2 bags, 1 shoe, a short (cos i needed it desperatly there, forgot to pack my shorts lol) a few accessories... mmmmmmm.......... about that.... oh let me tell you, GOldilocks ROCKS!!!!!!!

my testimony... or so...

Y'day durin our small group, we were asked to share abt how we became christians, or for those 2nd (,,,,,,or 3rd or 4th watever) gen christians like myself, we r to share that "magical" moment where we encountered God. it was kinda challenging for me. Sharings like these has always (let me emphasize that again ALWAYS) given me an uneasy feeling. To share this moment of mine, bares me to the world.

But, due to a deep prompting in my heart, i was nonetheless aspired to share. I keep on talking non-stop for more than 10 mins, revealing all the pain and shame i went through in the fateful 3 or 4 months of my life; humanly speaking these were the worst part of my entire life, but i knew (n so did my parents) that these 3 months are the foundations or the molding period of my walk as a servant of the most high KING!! A period where God faught for me n came out victoriously...

this incident has made me so sure of my calling that there will never NEVER be a turning point from this wonderful life that God has given meh!!!

although i will not share it here, let me give u a tint of the feeling i get wenever i share this incident with others. It's like i get weaker and stronger at the same. My heart beat starts pounding faster and faster, and i tend to speak faster and slower at the same time. I know u will not understand most of what i am writing. It something like LOVE, u jus feel weaker and srtonger at the same time... well hope u enjoyed having a sneak peak into my mind, heart, soul... watever!!!

Fire..

Last nyt, as I lay peacefully, it never occured 2 me that I could have been burnt to death. once again, I've realized how hopeless i am. I am not even capable of being alive.

Thank God for His timely Help!! One of my housemates happened to come home late, "just in time" to yell!! Well, 5 mins earlier, my "somewhat" sensitive nose picked up some kinda wierd smell of wires burnin. I tod it might be one of my cables,,(like my fan, phone adapter or wat nots) but it never occured to me that the our house nearly got "burnt"

Here's A poem I wrote in the Midst of that:

5 more minutes and I'l be dead.

Oh! the love of God that continues to shield me from calamities.

1 little fire showed me the path back to God.

2 secs envield my incapability to even remain alive.

Thank you time and again, for always being there for me!!

Lovin God our Father

hope u guys can read this haha... it's was written when i was high on my creativity. I jus cun't imagine the way God work.(both in my life and in my fens life) Its like I keep worryin but nothing is accomplished even wit all the stress that i intake(LOL) but God has in many ways shown me that things cud b so much easier, if only i lay it ALL into His strong and Loving hands. i can't help but to comment about nicky, all she asked God was for a Laptop, (and let me tell u this, her level of anxiety even outpours and affects me too... haha.. she's gone kill me) well then suddenly out of nower someone blesses her wit a desk top and yet ON THE SAME day another sister blessed her with a MacBook.. amazing... God is great man!! it like u ask for a glass of water and end up in a Banquet!!! haha.... praise the Lord!!! I love you Jesus!!!

Pic talk

getting all creative,,, out of boredom.... yeah i know what u're thinking...( so vaun.. ryt??)

went for a walk the other day and saw this funny "notice" put up on a few trees. i find it hilarious cos it's not their garden, uno...

sick

Feeling so sickish,,, n the worst part is not the sickness but the frustration over not getting any work done!! actually felt quite unwell since friday... like this sat wen i pooed blood came out along with the poo, but i din give much heed to it, then this morning woke up with headache, sore-ish throat and my concentration level is really down,,, aaah..... God help me!!!
anyways, apart from that, I feel like God is leading me yet to another level in my walk with HIm. could really sense His presence in the Worship y'day, all the songs kept reminding me of my weakness n of His leading in my life. WEll, during the service i had this urge to write down the thoughts comin to my head,,, tried to stop that urge but cunt help it! here's a peek of what i wrote,, i show it to Shalyn and Ruth,,(ruth commented that i must be a deep thinker, which is sort of "true")
Without my Knowledge, you've Plan my life perfectly!
IN the midst where people are bound; doing things they Don't
want!
Choices are at Hand for Me.
The future, Past and Present has no hold on your soveriegnty.
It is no accident that i am doing what I'm doing and will be
doing what is to be done!

school school

first week of SChool after the term break. well, better plan my time properly or else.... i quite like the modules for this term. i mean Paul Seow (the lecturer for theatre arts) is really something. M glad that m takin this class under Him. He kinda gave me a ray of hope, cos he started off as a Musician n later found he's giftin in the Drama department. i mean i have always wanted to go in theatre but i have always been pushed to the Music department cos of my background; but thank God that i m finally able to do what i want.

Dear God, please be with me as i continue in this journey. Help me so that i will always take the narrow path. Amen.

yeah.....

today,, had a bonding time wit ma siblings n my closest fren.... was great!! Actually din do anything extravagant or terrific,,, but had FUN!!! first we went a little shopin cos my bro wanted to buy me a pants as my b'day gift n he hadn't been able to get the time to take me out or the other way.... humpf...
okie than as ussual had to feel up our tummy ryt?? we had to walk from one place to another cos my other bro decided to visit some gals to say bye'byes; ofcus he came back to pick us up (cos daddy doesn't know abt he's secret visit; so he;d be thinking that my ll bro is wit us... hahaha)

oh BTw my mummy is gettin better, praise the Lord!! i don know why she always has some complication wit her body, cos she's tough, uno??. it's painful just to watch her sometimes.. this time its her tummy... durin our lil talks she narrated to me how she almost had breast cancer (it was in the initial stage) aroun c'mas last year; i mean she's really tough... had it been me, i wund not b able to bear the pain... but she SUper... Love u mom...

B'day 13th April

Not the usual b'day that i'd expected; no b'day party!! but turned out to b even more meaningful. m glad that i could b a blessing to the under-priviledged people!! my dad suggested we visit the orphanage and bless them in the name of my b'day; so i kinda liked the idea and went ahead! it turned out that the owner of the orphanage did not have the resource necessary to provide for the children's dinner that week, and they share to us how "this" ie our act was a miracle to them!!! hurray for JESUS!!!

Other than that went to church; provided lunch for the students at our college, then visited my bestfren cos she flunk her 12th grade and is depressed (btw she's a terrific painter); then treated my whole family for dinner!!! yea....
did recieved gifts but not like last year or the year before; cos my brothers and sis r almost broke; what a time!!! hmm..... okiez m goin to g0 shoppin now.. bye..... yawn so sleppy....

cousin's wedding........

My cousin's wedding's finally over!!! hurray for that,,,,,,,,,,,,
it was a hectic week, paying visits to her house(which is in the border of Nagaland and another state); and being the unofficial PHOTORAPHER!!! Well i learn alot of things, i Shud say, like the HANLUM(which is a custom followed by our tribe)!!!
Its pretty interesting, OK, whether u wana hear it or not, m gona explain! Hanlum is actually a PIG which is demanded by the bride's family(even if the bride's family don demand the groom's are obligated to give) so the Pig given by the groom's family will be cut into appropriate size and distributed amongst the bride's family. The relatives in turn r obligated to give a certain amount of money to the bride. The bride's family in lieu of sendin their daughter wit PRIDE, will try to give as much MOney as they can! the Bigger the amount, the better!!!
**** i hope i explain it correctly, if not my Naga brothers n sistas r gona strangle me*** haha!!!
Another Dramtic thing happened,,, after takin pics wit ma cousin, sudenly my shrug got stuck in her gown, i tried to remove it but cud'nt; so ma mum had to run to my rescue... hehe! and the funny part is my Aunt told me that its a sign that I'm gona be MARRIED next!!!so Absurd!!! but i find it cute n funny too...

Daddy Little's Gal is Home

Hey guys!!!

Thought i’l get time to write on ma blog EVERYMOMENT,,, but seems like there’s only one Avoni; who HAS alot of catching up to do!! Well i coloured my hair Purple instead of green, but m not that satisfied! (it is not too Purple you c, humpfh!!!)

Well the other day i went to visit my fren and before long My mum called up ma SIS (who was wit meh!) and told her that Daddy was looking for me... he he! So sweet.....

mmm... wat else!!! Oh i cooked some kinda noodles for my siblings for lunch and they seemed to enjoy it!

Oh!! Every1’s telling me i’v grown healthy (the polite way of saying that I M FAT)

Ok guys... i’l catch up wit ya another time k..... ciao!!

Oh ya... m havin a fun time playin my paino... and to top it m glad my siblings r ever-ready to play for it wen i feel like singing,,,(cos its abit uneasy playing and singin at the same time) okie okie thats it for now... buh-bye!!