For the past week, we had four korean missionaries staying at our place. It was fun trying to understand what they were saying and also getting the opportunity to cook (for them.. )
In the midst of all that they wanted to have bible fellowship wit me, and all... Well, after the first fellowhip they told me that I should open up my heart... This is one of my major flaws (or strength..) cos althought i might seem to be extremely open and carefree.. (which i m btw.. ) but in reality I don't open up to people that much... i just show them the "happy me". what's inside my heart is known only to me n God alone... Don't get me wrong... I m not one of those super-introvert n cunning n calculative type.. infact i hate those type... but sometimes i put up my defence when i feel insecure or wen i don feel comfortable... To my friends and close ones i DO NOT PUT UP MY DEFENCE K.. i will if i find that i dont trust them anymore.. so when i put up my defence you can almost feel the chill... So for this reason, they asked me to open up my heart.. another reason would be because i m not easily impressionable... i don take things at face value, i.e, if u want me to believe in something I would not readily accept it, unless i'v thought through n prayed about it..
well, one of the missionaries said.. "avoni, you are always happy and smiling, but that is the conscience part of you that's trying to cover up what's inside of u... since you are the eldest, you r always exhaulted by your siblings.. and your parents love u very much, so even though they r worried they don't show you, you have a very sheltered life... that's y.. blah blah blah... "
He was trying to tell me how our "good conscience" may not neccesarily be from God.. but from devil... cos by and through out "good conscience" we try to hide and suppress our sins, which should not be the right way... we should not suppress out sins but let it out to God.. that's what he was trying to tell me... that i'v over time built up my defences too much..
well... i'v shared it all.. n i don't think i hide or suppress or anything.. but i didn't want to let them debate n prolong our fellowship so i just let them say what they want.. hehe... :)
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